I have found the ultimate gift for the beer drinker in your family. The Beer Tender is now available from Krups for under $300. Dubbed “The ultimate at home draught beer experience,” it refrigerates and dispenses Heineken from their 5 liter draughtkeg (also available in Heine Light). A carbon dioxide cartridge within the keg reportedly keeps beer fresh for 30 days. It’s perfect for those of us that always wanted at-home keg access, but 1) didn’t have the space for a full sized cooler or 2) would rather spend the grand or so on beer rather than a beer toy. Feel like a fratboy without all the nasty hazing. Sure, you can just buy the keg by itself and leave it in the fridge, but that is nowhere near as fun as having your own personal tap.

There are only three theaters in the Houston area that are showing Bottle Shock. That should have been my first clue.  It wasn’t a bad movie, but it isn’t worth a trip to the theater either.  It will make a nice diversion some weekend at home.  The movie would have been much better with a bottle of wine instead of an overpriced soda.  I really wanted to like the movie, but there was too much to explain in under two hours.  I just wasn’t convinced.  I think the fact that it was based on real events was its downfall.  It wasn’t a complete waste of time, but I suggest waiting.

Here’s a link that has several recipes for beer milkshakes.  I did a chocolate beer bong once with Nestle’s Quick.  It’s not a fond memory either.  I like ice cream; I like beer.  However, I do not feel the two should be mixed.  It’s like drinking orange juice after brushing your teeth, Yuck!

I’ve decided the Black Box Pinot Grigio must be very good. I tried three stores yesterday, all of which had sold out. This left me in a conundrum. It was either a Chardonnay or try some red. One box really stood out. It’s called Pinot Evil and had the see, hear and speak monkeys on the box. I knew I was breaking the critter rule*, but I bought it anyway.

Overall, I’d say it was a positive experience. The Pinot Noir wasn’t exceptionally good or bad, but quite drinkable. Rather than fill each glass out of the cask, I brought out the decanter, which worked very well. This also helped me keep track of my consumption. The packaging also proved entertaining, as I felt the need to remove the bag from inside the box and play with it. The bag looks like a big IV, so I may have the beginnings of a Halloween costume.

I’ll probably continue to buy wine in boxes. They would work great for parties or entertaining. I think I’ll keep a box in the fridge to sip in between nicer, more expensive bottles. They are very portable and will probably make a tailgating appearance before the end of the season. I’ll let you know about the Pinot Grigio if I can ever find it.

Second Update 08/23- The elusive Black Box Pinot Grigio has been located.  I have to say that it wasn’t worth the wait.  To me, it tasted more like a Chardonnay than a Pinot Grigio.  Fiona didn’t think it was bad, but she had a bottle of Torrontes before trying the box.  I will be taking a detour from the boxed wines until a box-favored situation presents itself.

*Critter Rule-Stay away from wines that have any type of animal (critter) on the label.

There’s this romanticism that is associated with the wine bottle. A candlelit room, a little mood music , the warmth of the fireplace, and a good bottle of wine is tough to beat when you’re feeling amorous. Would it be the same if the wine was poured from a box? I’m not so sure.

Boxed wines have gotten a bad reputation over the years because, well..(I wanted to say they deserve it, but in boxed wine’s defense, I’ve never actually tried any. I understand that they’re really bad.) It’s not even just the bottle, it’s the entire protocol involved. I’m just now coming to terms with twist caps in place of corks. I love the sound of a cork popping, and even beer cans and bottles sound out when opened. It’s such an inviting sound, I can’t help but smile.

But there’s still hope for the box. The wine is actually kept in an airtight bag. As it deflates no air is let in, so the wine retains its freshness for up to six weeks as opposed to a couple days. There’s not much chance of wine lasting that long in my house, but it’s good to know I won’t be pouring any old wine down the drain. “Chateau Cardboard” also costs 50% less to package and ship, so guess what? It makes the wine less expensive for us. Three liters will set you back less than $20, which sounds too good to be true. This roughly translates to four $5 bottles. I never shy away from $10 magnums (even though I probably should). How bad can they be?

I intend to answer that question this weekend. Taylor Eason recommends Hardy’s (Southeast Australia) and Black Box (California). She suggests you steer clear of Wine Cube and Bota Box. I’ll probably go with a Pinot Grigio for starters. If it’s any good I’ll try a red, they’re a little less forgiving. I can usually get through an iffy Pinot, but crappy red wine really sucks.

Will there be a day when boxed wines rule the market and you can buy single servings in Capri Sun-like pouches? I seriously doubt it. However, half of the wine Australians drink is boxed. Europeans, including the French, are on board and sales in the US have risen in recent years. I’ve decided that I will call it a cask while I’m drinking mine this weekend. After all, a cask is much cooler than a box.

Last night Fiona and I opened a bottle of Torrontes by Conquista wines out of Argentina. I’ve been wanting to try it for some time now after MasAgua introduced me to it on his blog. Overall, I’d have to say it is a refreshing diversion from our standby, Pinot Grigio. Fiona dubbed it floral and I’d have to agree. This one carries a strong, pleasant aroma that hits you with every sip. Fiona loved it, and I’m sure we will continue to experiment with it.

Overall, I was very happy with this bottle. It was on sale for $9, which is a plus, and very drinker friendly. It has enough character to appeal to seasoned wine connoisseurs, without overwhelming wine drinkers simply looking for a buzz. We had a homemade pizza with ours last night and they worked together well. Of course, the best part about finding a new variety is the ensuing research. I’ll get back with you after I try a couple different Torrontes.

Jeff Gordon is selling wine? NASCAR’s famed number 24 is offering five varieties (priced at $40-70) for sale at jeffgordonwines.com. Someone fire the marketing clown that came up with this idea. I have nothing against NASCAR. I have friends that watch and have even tuned in to the occasional race. I realize that Jeff Gordon is not your typical stock-car driver, but this is a complete mismatch. NASCAR is beer territory, where Bud and Busch reign supreme. I just don’t see this working. Gordon seems like a nice enough guy. He’s proven himself over the years to be one of the best drivers ever. He has 81 wins and 4 NASCAR cup victories, but this decision leaves me at a loss.

Here’s a great way to make the Olympic games that begin today more interesting. Make sure to have plenty of alcohol ready before you thy this drinking game. I prefer the Scarface game, where you have to drink every time someone drops an f-bomb, but that’s probably because I’m such a traditionalist.

I bought this bottle a while back and got drunk and forgot to open it. So it sat around for about a week. I opened it the other night after Fiona and I shared a bottle of Gavi. I wasn’t overwhelmed initially. It was good, but I’d had better. But, there was something about it. It took a couple of glasses to figure out what was going on, and it kinda freaked me out.

A quick disclaimer. I’m not a wine and food pairing person. Being a beer drinker for so many years conditioned me for drinking first, then eating. After all, beer is quite filling on it’s own. Add a meal on top of a six pack, and there’s no room left to continue drinking. At a typical Weezer barbecue, food would not be served until I was done drinking. People were so hungry that they loved whatever I served them.

Things have changed a little now. It’s relaxing to have a nice bottle of wine with a tasty meal. We have several BYOB restaurants around town that we enjoy. I’ll save a bottle to open up with a nice steak or fish that I’ve grilled. But give me three or four glasses before the food is ready and my dinner is coming home in a doggy bag. I’ll drink my dessert, please.

That’s what amazed me about the Rioja. As I dove further into the bottle, I craved something to eat with it. Namely, a steak and some pasta. There was this spicy taste to the wine that cried out for food. It was like dancing the tango by yourself. This Rioja needed a partner, and unfortunately, I had nothing but frozen pizza and chicken chunks to offer as companions.

I made pasta last night and thought about that bottle of wine. I wasn’t really in a drinking mood, but it would have been nice to have a glass of the Glorioso around to test my theory. I’m sure it would have been good. Maybe next time.

Australian wine exports have slacked off by 100 million liters this year. American consumption of their wines was down 25%. That’s pretty wild. I have to apologize to winemakers from Down Under. Before my Francophelia kicked in, most of my red consumption was in the form of Australian magnums. The Aussies make very drinkable wines at affordable prices, especially Shiraz and Merlot. They are a great choice for parties and anytime large quantities will be consumed. I’ve always held a certain fondness for Australia, so I plan on doing my share. We cannot forsake the country that contributed Beds are Burning to the world.